Memories

Memories hurt, wether they are nice or bad, they hurt

My friend told me that last night and it is true. It is true because we are aware that it will never be the same and that we can never get back certain moment or period of time. We are aware that we are growing older and that there is no coming back. Hurt mixed with fear makes us bitter but we should not let that happen. May the hope and faith in something better to come be with you and the dreams of good times come true.

And tell me somethings last

Tea, Jazz And Cold

It is a relaxing afternoon and the jazz is playing at the back. I have my tea and cookies on a little coffee table in front of me and 24kitchen turned on the entire morning. I stayed at home today as I got cold. I have it or a couple of days now, isn’t that a bummer? Anyhow, I’m not complaining because I am taking my time to enjoy and relax a bit. I am curled up in my big, cozy, warm, violet blanky, with one leg stretched on a armchair across me. I have so many things to write about but I don’t want to escape this moment of pure chilling, I wrote down my ideas. I am taking a photography classes today so I am excited about it. I ruined my camera while going on a vacation because I left it melting and boiling on the summer sun so now I am depending on my friend, hoping she’ll give me her camera. I will read about Columbus, manofacture and church reformations today, I find it quite interesting, even though IIWW would fit the jazz atmosphere better. I love history and I love jazz. Slow or fast, dynamic or not, only instrumental or with a singer jazz will always relax you and take you away to some old times. I love Charleston as well and I had learnt it how to dance myself(internet is a wonder!)

Here you can enjoy a little bit of jazz:)

Yesterday I started painting and enjoyed through entire two hours of it. The impression of it is still strong as well as the mood and the atmosphere. I can’t wait to get back to the painting. This is how far I got:)

 

 

 

teaThe featured post image of the cup of tea and cookies isn’t mine, I found it on Google.

 

 

dem kookiez

I love all kinds of cookies, cakes, sweets, candies, snacks, sugar, sweet and chocolate drinks, chocolates, biscuits, chocolate bars, chocolate boxes, big or small. colorful, mixed, dark, with milk, nuts, strawberries, raspberries, e v r y t h i n g, and I enjoy making them. Unfortunately I don’t know how to make any of those, except two types of biscuit cakes. I have many interests and one of those is cooking. I had even thought a couple of times to go to cooking school and become a chef. Anyway, I’d like that to be my hobby one day. I love all kinds of sprinkles and creams and I can eat them until I feel sick and even after that. It’s strange how much I love food and yet I usually don’t pay much attention to it in my everyday life, nor do I love to eat many stuff. I often have this image in my head, me being in the kitchen, with full chef equipment making delicious dishes and deserts. And let me tell you I will make that happen.

Today I went on my art classes which I use as an escape from other obligations and have some time just for myself. I love painting and I always have. Now, it is already evening and I have spent my afternoon in translating a text from Russian and eating cookies with nutella and jam whilst drinking milk. I don’t know how many of them have I eaten but I know for sure I ate more than 5 and I will eat them more. It’s lovely and relaxing. I am trying to do all of my obligations relaxed and slowly, with no rush or tension what so ever. At one point I felt like a pig because I felt so good and satisfied just because I ate so many cookies and the only question I had on my mind was ”should I eat the next one with nutella or jam?”. I got rid of it eventually and now I am left with a single lamp lit in my living room, tv and a rainy day saying goodbye. I take a look from my terrace every now and then and I just hope that everything will turn out for the best. I am waiting for the basketball game to start and I am passionately cheering, can’t wait for it!

 

 

bannerImage4 choco images images (1) cupcakes  all of these pictures I found on google

 

 

 

 

oh yeah, don’t forget the ice cream

icecream

Evening thoughts

There are so many faiths a like and yet so different, there are so many things which get to us, hurt us, ones that have already happened or are happening now to who knows how many people, and sometimes I think how different we all are and yet so same. I just look through the window and see thousands of apartments, little colorful lights and start thinking what are all those people doing out there, what they’re going through…

 

Late Night Thoughts

This is what I listen to at almost 2 o’clock in the morning. I am grateful on the friendships I have, on the friend sitting beside me rambeling on and drawing with some badass markers over here, I am grateful on everything I have, every person in my life, I am also very grateful and at the same time sad about so many memories and moments that have passed and took place at this very room, a lot of them with the same friend I amsitting now with(I’ll just say that I feel melancholic about them). I have a few tears in my eyes due to all those warm emotions bolded up inside of me and I want to give my friend the tightest hug and just to stay like that forever which means this entire night till the dawn, whilst this song is playing at the background, neverending. I love you, all of you people in my life, I love you, all of my memories and all of the moments I have caught and farewell to all of those which have escaped my little bag called my memory. I send you all lots of love.

P.S. she drew me a little heart with her initials and a little dude called BOB. ‘Cause that’s just who we are.

Peaceful Afternoon

I woke up far too late for my accomplishing all of my plans today but that didn’t seem to bother me as I grabbed first things from my closet, made a sandwich and walked out on the streets of my city, heading to one of my favorite places. I am sitting at my desk, writing this post, listening to music. Today I will take the opportunity and relax a bit, enjoy doing stuff I want. I’m alone and it’s very peaceful, silence filling the rooms around me. I turn the music on and slowly volume it up a little. Even though it’s a sunny day I am listening to the music I would listen to when it’s cloudy or rainy afternoon. I am trying to make comics as I decided to get back on that track. I also decided to start making cartoons, unfortunately I spent last few days hopelessly trying to find the right software for it and to download it. Shadows of stickers hung up on my roof windows are visible on my desk as well as a shadow of a pacing bird from time to time. I decided to draw or paint something, whatever comes to my mind, whether it is inspired by a song or I randomly thought of it. I am escaping the world and the pressure I felt in last few days. Couple of friends invited me to come to their countryside houses but I can’t be on two different places and parts of country at the same time and I need a rest. I need a rest from everything, from constant running and doing things, I just want to give a little time to myself. I said that I will do it this summer and I finally felt the need for it, therefore I am going to catch it. I really wanted to go and I always want to, but I just couldn’t this time. When you’re there for people they will love you and respect you, appreciate what you do for them (some more, some less). But when you can’t be ‘red cross’ 24/7 for them then all of a sudden you’re not good enough. People actually don’t understand that if you don’t hear yourself you won’t hear them either, therefore you won’t be able to help them and they won’t be able to help you, because you haven’t tried to help and listen to yourself in the first place. It’s like a magic circle. I am always there for everyone, no matter how tired I was, no matter how much I just can’t put up with their problems, I’m there, but they need to cherish what you do for them and you need to cherish yourself in the first place.

As I said, I am taking a rest from everything, taking in the peace. I decided to give up on drawing comics today due to lack of inspiration, I will draw for my own soul. Enjoy the playlist:)

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFD7A960FB2BA4ADE

Imperfect Teenagers

Young adults who are thought to be mindless time-wasters have standards under which they are assumed to be perfect. We have two points of view, therefore two types of standards: the ones which are set by grownups and the other ones set by the teenagers themselves. I think that there is no perfect and right and imperfect or wrong way to be a teenager. I love to see a beautiful, skinny girl, with nice hairstyle and a cute, well-dressed boy, but  I like to see a few pounds bigger girl or a geek boy as well. I love to see them with all their imperfections in looks and their silly behavior. I love to see their crooked teeth and colorful braces, ripped jeans and two size bigger shirts, their messy hairs and ripped converse, I love to see their peeled nail polish and their glasses. When I see a kid in his teens, listening to music on his/her phone, wearing silly clothes, with a messy hairstyle, when I see them with their flaws and perfections I can’t help but smile. I also can’t help but think why do I smile when I’m no different than them, and I can’t help but be afraid of that what makes them, what makes who they are, vanishing. Youth is beautiful. Everything’s beautiful now, everyone’s pretty in their teens. Those imperfections won’t be as interesting and characteristic later, it will turn to much worse and visible flaws but no one has the time to think about it now, does he? They go out and meet their friends, have a laugh and no one thinks about what will happen later. All that now is important and makes a problem later will just put a smile on our faces, but the things we are not worrying about now will later give us a frown. Teenagers with their silly, colorful or plain clothing, black or red, neat or ripped, filthy and ripped sneakers, games and pictures, art and music, silly jokes and insane laughs, silly walks and street dancing, inappropriate behavior and polite gestures, evil grins and nice smiles, dramas and adventures, perfect teeth and braces, overweight and skinny ones, philosophers and world saviors, time-wasters and rebels, self preservers and lost souls, love and hate, make them alive and helps them keeping the youth, they are not fading, they are making things real and their dreams vivid. Whoever they are and wherever they belong they are perfect just the way they are, they are the perfect teenagers.

blogg

 

 

Storm

I stepped out of the trolley, cold air and wind greeting me. The night has finally come and the storm is approaching. The station is really spacious and everything seems so big, open boulevard. I looked up at the park and sky. Sky is slightly orangish, like there is fire somewhere, behind the park. Massive, stormy clouds are floating close to the city. Everybody wants to rule the world was playing by Lorde and as the chorus started, lightning appeared on the stormy sky, wind is blowing and it’s getting colder minute after minute. As I was walking I was looking at the sky, captivated by it’s color and clouds, how dark trees had their silhouettes making contrast to it. I took my phone out and shared it with a friend. It’s such a powerful feeling! I thought I could sit outside the whole night, just looking at the sky, feeling the cold wind caressing my face.

As I walked in the house it was pitch dark. I turned on the lights and the moment I did it I heard a lard thud just to realize second later that it is only a start for the chorus. I threw my bag and as I looked in my room I saw the bridge and the city, sky turned shining white for a moment, and then I heard the thunder. I turned only one light in my home and turned on the laptop. Soon, I found myself standing on the terrace. Lightnings were spread all around the sky, turning it’s white light on and off every now and then. Rain started with big raindrops, one of them falling on my face. I opened the window wide and watched the Mordor skies hoovering over my city. Color of fire painted the sky, like the ground beneath it was burning and it did, the city is alive, filled with lights, life, parties, cars, people and their destinies. Cold air greeted me again and cold, big raindrops fell all over my face. The bridge was rising up, and above the city, threatening the sky, it’s glowing, sharp white light emphasizing it’s figure on the dark background of living city filled with black and orange color, and foggy, orange sky. I breaded in the fresh air, the smell of rain overtaking all of my senses. My ears were filled with the sound of the downpour and the song. As the song finished I closed the windows, streets were already soaking wet and skies were still wild, I wasn’t alone anymore. The Doors started playing soon and I decided to make myself a coffee to sip while eating a pancake.

 

There’s a killer on a road

The sun starts to set down, but there isn’t much change as it is cloudy all day. A man sits in his car and drive, where the road leads him. He sees children playing beside the road, they are laughing and they are happy even though it started to rain, they don’t bother. There’s a black silhouette of a man and a surprising thunder. He snaps out of his cloudy and blurry vision, there’s nobody beside the road, only empty fields. He continues to drive, like nothing has happened, like he hasn’t seen anything. After a while he gets to a restaurant, finishes his dinner with his companion. He helps her to put on her coat and they leave the restaurant. Her heels making the familiar sound as she walks. They get into the light blue-gray Cadillac and he starts the engine up. As they get out on the road thunder hits again. Across them, they see a gray car and a black silhouette of a man. The moment later the car and the man disappeared. The girl starts to tighten her black coat around her as they are both shivering in cold. The road is empty. Two tracks but only one car in one direction. The blue line in the middle of it is hard to see, fog is all around them.

riders on the storm

A thunder is heard, they snap out of their slow and deep thinking and shivering. A car is showing out in the fog, it’s the same grey car with the same black silhouette, and it’s driving towards them. The killer on the road is here and his car isn’t avoiding the crash. The moment before the crash they hear the thunder and as they open their eyes they see a car with a black silhouette of a man showing in fog, again. A shot is heard along with the thunder ”there’s a killer on the road”.

storm Vehicles-Old-Cars

Rain, Thunders and Melancholy

 

It’s pouring rain outside, it’s been a few days like this. I love rain, though. Thunders at night splitting skies, waking people up, thunders in the middle of the day and pouring rain. There’s no sunlight today. Owl City Sailboats is playing and the only sound I hear beside the song is cars racing down the wet street and thunders here and there. The song has finished and I’m left with silence and storm. There is nothing I love more than smell of rain.

Today my phone fell two times and it split on pieces. When I put it together again and in my pocket I forgot to lock it so the radio somehow started playing on and when I took my headphones in I thought to myself  ‘oh look, I haven’t turned my music off’ and a song I like started playing. It’s when the guy started talking on the radio that I realised that it’s radio playing so I mentally facepalmed myself. After sometime I accidentally hit play on some of the songs on my phone and hit shuffle. Forget Her by Jeff Buckley started playing and as soon as I heard the song I became slightly sad. Now I don’t want to get out of the house and I think it’s about time to spend most of my day inside. I am finally going to turn to myself a bit. It’s time for writing, reading, making comics and cartoons. I want to be alone and walk in rain but at the same time I don’t want to move. Then you see a friend who says is always there for you but who don’t care actually at all, while someone with whom you’re not friends so long tries so hard to listen to you and cheer you up. Should that bring you down? I don’t think so. Anyway, melancholy is strong today and you are aware of how short life is and how ungrateful we are. Gonna go and turn to myself today, sometimes that’s all we need-silence, being quiet and doing something we love.

Enjoy it:)