Rainy Paris

Rainy afternoon in Paris, the smell of coffee and croissants and smooth jazz were occupying Anna’s senses. She is having her afternoon coffee as always in a nearby cafe. Newspapers are at her table and a little white dog named Kiwi is silent and yet full of energy, going around the table, finally settling itself on a chair beside it’s owner. It’s an early autumn and the cafe on the corner where a tree is standing wide and tall with its massive and strong branches and dark-green, and now wet from the rain, leaves, is filled with dark brown chairs and tables alike. The floor is in black and white diamonds and the wall is at the lower part wooden and white, above is plastered beige tapestry with slim and little orange and brown flowers. It looks quite vintage if I may add, and the pictures of many iconic musicians are hung up. Anna is sitting at the window, the entire wall is like a window. The rain started falling harder. Tables are set without any specific order around the cafe. In the middle of the window-wall the front door are standing tall, separating the left and the right part of it. The cafe is quite empty, there are only one or two occupied tables, besides the one where Anna’s sitting, in the darkness of it. Behind her, on the right wall the bar is set. From the bar deeper into the cafe the space is shrinking and the light coming from outside is much weaker. Anna has just eaten her cookie and is half way down with finishing her latte so she is taking the newspapers and is starting reading
“Kiwi, stand still please, steady! Good boy!” As she says that she gives him a treat and continues reading an article.
The little bell hung above the door has rung and a young and handsome man entered the cafe, looking quite confused. Anna looked up to see who entered the cafe on the tree-corner, even though she never does that. She would usually immediately look away but not this time. The young man stood his ground looking where would he like to sit the most, and when he glanced over Anna he couldn’t look away either. He started narrowing his eyes but kept coming back and looking at her, at the end he flashed a small and a very insecure smile and walked towards the counter to order his drink. Anna kept looking at him and smiled when he approached the bar. The man in shallow brown boots and jeans with a white short jacket and a black coat ordered machiato. His blonde hair coming to his chin and bangs tucked behind his left ear made him look like a young boy but his strong and tall features were telling that he is a young man in his mid twenties. When he took the coffee he again glanced over Anna with the same insecure half-smile and she returned with a sincere one. He then sat at a few tables away, across the counter and beside her, where the daylight still isn’t fading. He was listening to the jazz and the strong rain, his coat was quite wet and so was his hair, the big, dark umbrella didn’t help much, and he was looking at Anna reading the newspapers and the window. She would glance over him time to time just to find his eyes glued to her more frequently than to the street with the uncontrollable half smirk, while she would shyly smile every time, hiding a bit behind the papers, her eyes slowly shifting to the all so small letters on the way too big paper. They were both enjoying the sensation of the coffee, Paris and rain. They both didn’t notice how fast the time was passing. Anna called out for the waiter and gave him a tip. The boy and her gathered their things and got outside at the same time. They looked at each other again with small smirks and tried walking their ways but bumped into each other because they were blocking each other’s ways
“Oh I’m so sorry”
“I am going that way..”
“Yeah, I’m going that one…” they said and laughed a bit. They both walked their ways, she was going to the market and he who knows where. The rain hasn’t stopped or eased either.

I haven’t written in a while, I was quite busy, but now that I have found the time to do so, I am very excited about it. I have decided to write a novel. I am quite poor about writing those, I’m more of a one-shot story teller, but I’ll give it a try, even if it ends up being just a bunch of connected one-shots.

I have realised that I have changed a lot lately and that I have grown. I can’t put my finger on what have I exactly changed but it is part of developing ourselves. Unfortunately, I lost those nice things I used to notice, hopefully only for a while. During the Christmas and New Year holidays, I would always enjoy the beauty of the Christmas tree lamps and all the decorations, I could easily travel to some house in the mountains, a night ride on the road full of snow, a nice winter ball or the sunny ski hill. But that’s normal, that kind of period comes and goes, we come to understand some things and people in our lives, to get over or to get through something, to grow and to understand. The more we understand the more we can see the beauty in everything. The easiest thing to do is judge and hate. It is alright if you don’t approve something, or if you don’t agree with a certain thing someone’s doing or thinking, you should have your opinion but it is very important to understand and respect others. That is how we share love and understanding, many of us just need a chance and understanding so we can grow, so we can acknowledge some things in our lives. So be the one who sees, who understands and who is ready to give a helping hand to someone who’s maybe just a little bit lost.

I have been also thinking about how we all are living our lives and they are so connected, intertwined but yet we all walk different, independent paths and we are just a tiny part of each other’s lives. And that is best seen when you have a group of, let’s say, five people talking, chatting and some of them start saying their fears and thoughts out, and then you understand how everyone really is for them selves. We can only listen and advise but nothing more, and that is important to understand. We are here for other people not to affect and change their lives, but to support them, advise them and be there for them, to listen when they speak. Another thing that I understood as well is that the most healthy relationship is when two persons are close to each other but do not have the same life. Every and each of us should have independent, separated life and the closest we can become is just to be a big part of someone’s life. E.g. if two friends enter the same school and make the same friends and go everywhere at the same time, they will eventually have almost the same life, in one area of their lives they are becoming one person and that is never good, everyone should have their life space.

I am looking through the window and listening to the same song for who knows what time. I can sometimes look at one spot and as the time goes by it can change and start reminding me of something completely different. The power of thoughts and imagination is endless.

Keep yourself busy in achieving your goals, don’t give up even when it gets tough, see the beauty in the smallest things and look through the window for hours. Do what you love and be happy in this new year,


So many emotions and thoughts, Tom Odell is playing again, and a key accessory no one must know about is lying beside me. I don’t know where to start and end, but I know what I want to say. Life is a great tragic-comdey show where we should try to spill as many tears of joy and laughter as possible and as little bitter ones as possible. It’s important to keep our heads out of clouds and rainbows, dreams and flood of emotions, no matter how hard sometimes that may be.

I had you and still have you. You think I have and feel every inch of you, that I am happy about it, but unfortunately that is very hard. I told you enough number of times how I feel and that I don’t want to lose you, I explained to you just what cant might happen but you didn’t understand, did you? I tried, I almost cried and you comforted me, but you didn’t realise. I am going to lose you if you choose the thing that is hurting me, and whether I wanted to or not you are going to leave. I will feel a distance even though you might don’t, even though you might don’t see it and when you try to reach me over I will be too far away to take your hand and say a couple of honest words. And I can’t tell you nor ask from you to give up on someone when your happiness depends on it, but the choice is being made. I am so sorry, but I can’t shove my tears down my throat anymore, nor the far too long road that might separate us. But it’s not intearly my fault, is it? When I was in your shoes I gave up on that someone, I saw through but you don’t see. I made my choice and you did yours as well. In life the misterious ones and pretenders usually get everything, they are the magnet, because deep down everyone wants to see what is it beneath the nice, colorful present paper, isn’t that right? And you do too, even though you ran towards the present way too soon, when you said you won’t ever do it. You once lost one.. I can’t and won’t stand in the way to your happiness and I hope it will be a true one or else you are going to get really hurt. I am sorry, way too much sorry once again, but you made your choice. You told me, not once, to never run over myself or to ignore what my heart says. This time I hear what my gut is saying, not my brain or heart and when I think of everything I get sick. I feel sick when I see you typing and when I see your words, and I get sick because of the sorrow I feel and because I love you. You can love in many ways, many people, and it doesn’t matter in which way I love you, I just know that when I stand, walk or sit beside you that I love you. And I love every single hug we exchange, and every single heart we write, and every single daydream we have. I love you my friend, I really do and that is why it hurts so much. First tears have been shed and the last rows are being written. My writer, poet, friend and sportsman, I love you and I wanted to call you at my hardest moment to take a walk. Out of all the people I know and would call, I have the reflex to call you first, to tell you everything, hug you the tightest and feel your arms squeezing me as a reassuring respond, to cry the tears coming directly from the soul. But, unfortunately, I will not call you, nor tell you how many tears have I cried. I might invite someone else or cry alone, and then I know who I would call, and you would know, you would be in the very few to know, but you won’t be the one who’s hugging me.

I love you, don’t ever forget that and even if I didn’t tell you, you must know that. I fall asleep every night with the little thing you gave me even though I know people can misunderstand that, but I really can’t be bothered with it. We agreed that the little things make life and relationships and you probably will see through.

“feels like a long way down,
Oh honey don’t leave, don’t leave, plese don’t leave me now”

Rainy day has come once again. It’s cold and the streets are wet, trees have no leaves left on their branches. The sky is white, completely covered with clouds and there is no sign of the Sun. Even though it’s cold the wind is not blowing so it’s wonderful for taking a walk. There is so many angles of observing the surroundings. The weathermen say that soon the storms and snow will come, hopefully the winter is coming soon.

The orange light casted by the street lamp is quite dim and at one point it reminds me of an empty and ghostly garage alley, and at another one it reminds me of a warm and scented summer night, the reflection of the street at the roof window. The naked branches give a spooky feeling but yet again it can initiate dreams of the most beautiful Autumn nights, of the two in love, charming girl in her coat and heels in embrace of her loving darling. Even though it is a bit unpleasant to walk the city street at night you can get the feeling like you could walk miles and miles and just watch the trees, sky and city lights around you.

Sometimes it’s strange how I don’t know what to do or think about because there is just so many things and you can not let your dreams take over.

Does a room changes when the light is off?

It was a passive day today, nothing much happened which is fine by me. On the second bus stop I exited the trolley and saw a familiar jacket on the other door. I knew who it was, it was a guy I absolutely love. I don’t love him in the crush-like manner, I just love that guy, a mysterious soul hiding behind the face of the biggest jokester. We acknowledged each other and with a nod showed out greetings to one another, I think non of us was up for a conversation. I was looking through the window at the city lights, bridge, racing cars and the other side of the river. I also looked at a boy, who had his headphones in, just like my friend and I did, and he was looking through the window again. I think he probably noticed that I was looking at him so I drifted my eyes and stick them to the road. Sometimes when I ride, and especially in the bus or trolley, I look at the road and the white lines on the fast passing cement. When I stepped out of the bus I decided to take a walk, it’s a nice autmn-ish evening, without wind or rain. Everything looked so captivating and it seemed like it was screaming ”paint me, photograph me, save me in your tiny mind forever”, so I took my phone out and took some pictures. I climbed up the hill and turned around just to be met with the rest of the city and it’s fuzzy blue and yellow lights. The night is clear and I kept on walking. As the music stopped I was hearing city noises and the sound of my boots was prevailing. I walked my small route and started my way home. I feel like I could walk miles and miles without stopping or saying a word.

When I entered the house it was all dark, all lights are off. I decided not to turn them on. I put my jacket into the closet and took a look at my door. A small stripe of light was coming from the outside, creeping into the darkness. I left my things and turned off the music once again. Does the room around changes when I turn off the lights? And if do, how so? What changes in it and what does it change? Questions were flooding my mind but I didn’t bother to consider answering them. I set in the darkness and silence in my living room. Only light that appeared were two little, blinking blue lamps on my laptop. I took it and started writing. The blinding light that came from my screen was illuminating a few things around me, I just might turn it off again and sit by the window to watch the colorful city lights and think about how millions of faiths are in such a small area, twisting and interlacing, missing and bumping into each other. And how every and each one of us sometimes, no matter how many time we spent near each other or together don’t know the other one’s story. Just like I don’t know my friend’s, and just like my friend and I, no matter how much I wanted ,won’t spend some time together or get closer, because we are not destined to be.


Sometimes, and lately more often, I get sad or melancholically when the conversation is over. I get the feeling usually when someone says goodbye to me first and it happens a lot, because I’m always there for people and I will always listen to what they have to say. When I was little whenever my very first and best friend and I say goodbye to each other everything gets weird, strange, and sad around me, and the feeling I get isn’t pleasant at all. It’s not what it is like now, but I do get sad and melancholy takes over. Sometimes tears threaten to spill but I don’t give them a chance. Very logically I get sadder when a person I love to talk to says goodbye. I know it’s maybe overreacting or over the top, and maybe I am just driving myself into the “magic”, never-ending circle of need for communication but that’s just how I feel and maybe it’s because I feel used or stood up. Please prepare me for your goodbye and don’t ever shoot it out of nowhere.


So much time has passed and I am still in the same spot just like when I first saw you, I made no steps back and no steps forward. It doesn’t make sense anymore, but to me it obviesly does.

Cause I, I’m feeling pretty small,
Sometimes feel like I’m slipping down walls
And every line I ever get a hold it seems to break.

Whenever I see you I feel this and I know that you can chagne that. You can make me smaller and you can make me bigger, but I still don’t depend on you. Whenever I find a reason to end this or to start it and do something, the hold breaks and I slip down walls, from the rooftops, and then it starts all over again. And I have decided so many times to walk a different way back home so I don’t see you, so I can forget about you, but you still appear in front of me. You make sense out of things if you drink but I make sense when I fall in love with you a thousand times, and wonder would it all make sense? You are not aware of any of this and you won’t ever be.

So I just shut my eyes and lose myself in teenage lies

And whenever I run I slip and go down the same long way to the beginning, holds break and I find myselsf again in teenage lies, lying to everyone that I have run away from it, but I am still lost in daydreams, finding myself in your arms, seeing my reflection in your eyes.

How to make things “Koselig”?

A Frog in the Fjord


There is an important concept one needs to understand and embrace when living in Norway: being “koselig”. Most English speakers translate it by “cosy” but that term doesn’t even begin to cover everything that “koselig” can express. This concept is difficult to translate to those who do not live here, but basically anything can (and should) be koselig: a house, a conversation, a dinner, a person. It defines something/someone /an atmosphere that makes you feel a sense of warmth very deep inside in a way that all things should be: simple and comforting. And just for the fun ask a Norwegian what is his/her definition of koselig and you will realise it is not only hard to translate but also hard to explain for them. Then ask what is the difference between “hyggelig” and “koselig” and you might have lit an evening-long discussion. (By the way it seems to me…

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