Thinking Out Loud

According to Allan Watts and Maya Angelou we are all the same, we all come from the same source and that is the big bang, which every and each one of us has in him/herself. We all carry a part of rivers, stars, trees, and each other in ourselves. If a man dreams a big dream we have a part of it in us as well and we can do it, but the same stands if someone commits a crime. Maya says that we should not be afraid of anything that’s human, because it is us. But on the other hand we all judge others and their acts, we are all setting up standards, following some rules etc. We judge LGBT population and their acts, while the only thing they’re doing different from the rest is kiss a person of the same-sex. Is that so horrifying? I wouldn’t say so. We are only part of the energy, we are all one. There is no matter. The thing we call matter is only a special moment and state in which energy is showing. And we still have so many things in out head going around.

E.g. lately I have been thinking about love as many of my friends  are in those waters right now. I don’t know where am I. Maybe I am standing on a tiny rock in the middle of the river, but that’s just a wild guess. Anyhow, I have always thought that you can’t meet your other half, someone who is your soul mate, who you will marry, at early age. I have always thought that it will be in my twenties or so. Also, I have never thought that when I marry once that I will never divorce, it depends, but it has always been so weird to me to spend your whole life with just one person. Just imagine, you are sitting at your living room one night, watching TV and you should start getting dressed up for a visit to your friends. You have, let’s say, a ten-year old kid, and you look at the person sitting across of you, you look at your living room and don’t you just think ”this is so boring. There is no change, no excitement, for so long everything is the same”. Is it possible to love a person for 50 years, to feel the same as you were in your twenties? fifty years? To feel the same as you felt in your twenties? But again, how can a love simply vanish when you love someone? When you truly love the person? Not just the looks or the things he or she has? Not so many people know what the true love is. It’s not just a crush or heart racing when you see someone, it’s not just liking someone because he or she is nice and interesting. Sometimes true love, I think, can lack a few of the said things. True love is when you don’t mind if your hair is a mess and when the other person doesn’t see it as a disaster and imperfection but as a characteristic of yours. True love means that you don’t really care much if your lipstick is half a way removed or if you have chocolate around your mouth when you just ate it, yogurt on your nose when you just drank it from the cup which is sold in the bakeries. True love is when you forget about those things, when the person you’re with doesn’t mind, but loves those things about you whilst not thinking how idiotic you are. You know you love someone when you give your money when you don’t have it anymore, just so the person wouldn’t wake his or her parents and you won’t ask for it back. It’s when you leave your jacket and don’t mind if you don’t get it back for a month or so, when someone doesn’t judge you for your socks with a whole but laughs and says ”Don’t worry, I have plenty of those”. Real love is when you look at the person and think of so many things that he or she loves, does, is, all the nice things that you could do for him or her. It’s when you just need the presence of the person to feel calm, happy, complete, when you can cry, laugh or talk random things without holding back. It’s when you know that you want to be with him or her eventually. It’s when you try to keep the distance but you fail because it’s a torture, because it feels empty and cold. True love is when you’re happy when the person is happy even if you don’t agree with a choice that has been made. You know you love someone when you chose to hug the person before everyone else in hard and in bad times, when he or she is your priority.
Once my friend said that the love of your life is surely somewhere out there but the question is if you’re lucky enough to meet him/her at the right time at your life. I would disagree before but now I am questioning my conviction. Maybe there really is someone out there for us? Now there is a theory my language teacher once said and that is that there is someone made for us but it can never be realised, because of the society in most cases. Many of us would like to think that there is a person who is made just for us and I believe that there are cases of real love here and there and those people are made to be an example of real love, that is their task and purpose. I still doubt that there is one and only one person who is made for us and with whom we can achieve the real love, but I am not saying that my opinion can not be changed.
One of my friends said that we maybe can’t know who that person might be, or that we might not be aware of it, and that we should question our expectations and wishes. Now that is maybe possible if you are at some transitioning period in your life and you are changing your point of view, orientations etc. We all have a certain ideal of how our perfect love should look like, we all have a list, dreams, but if there really is our true love we would recognise it when we get to know the person, even if it’s a complete opposite of what we had in mind. We should open our minds and hearts, listen to the wind and silent whispers more, we should be at peace more.
I haven’t expected any kind of big love stories at my early age and I don’t think that we should be bound much at this age.. I also usually mentally puke when I hear the ”highschool sweethearts” phrase. You are with only one person your whole life and there is only two case scenarios which can happen. First of it is to be with that person your whole life just because you don’t know for any better and you are scared, and the other one is when the middle age crisis comes you are going to hook up with a college from the work at a business trip.

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