Friend

So many emotions and thoughts, Tom Odell is playing again, and a key accessory no one must know about is lying beside me. I don’t know where to start and end, but I know what I want to say. Life is a great tragic-comdey show where we should try to spill as many tears of joy and laughter as possible and as little bitter ones as possible. It’s important to keep our heads out of clouds and rainbows, dreams and flood of emotions, no matter how hard sometimes that may be.

I had you and still have you. You think I have and feel every inch of you, that I am happy about it, but unfortunately that is very hard. I told you enough number of times how I feel and that I don’t want to lose you, I explained to you just what cant might happen but you didn’t understand, did you? I tried, I almost cried and you comforted me, but you didn’t realise. I am going to lose you if you choose the thing that is hurting me, and whether I wanted to or not you are going to leave. I will feel a distance even though you might don’t, even though you might don’t see it and when you try to reach me over I will be too far away to take your hand and say a couple of honest words. And I can’t tell you nor ask from you to give up on someone when your happiness depends on it, but the choice is being made. I am so sorry, but I can’t shove my tears down my throat anymore, nor the far too long road that might separate us. But it’s not intearly my fault, is it? When I was in your shoes I gave up on that someone, I saw through but you don’t see. I made my choice and you did yours as well. In life the misterious ones and pretenders usually get everything, they are the magnet, because deep down everyone wants to see what is it beneath the nice, colorful present paper, isn’t that right? And you do too, even though you ran towards the present way too soon, when you said you won’t ever do it. You once lost one.. I can’t and won’t stand in the way to your happiness and I hope it will be a true one or else you are going to get really hurt. I am sorry, way too much sorry once again, but you made your choice. You told me, not once, to never run over myself or to ignore what my heart says. This time I hear what my gut is saying, not my brain or heart and when I think of everything I get sick. I feel sick when I see you typing and when I see your words, and I get sick because of the sorrow I feel and because I love you. You can love in many ways, many people, and it doesn’t matter in which way I love you, I just know that when I stand, walk or sit beside you that I love you. And I love every single hug we exchange, and every single heart we write, and every single daydream we have. I love you my friend, I really do and that is why it hurts so much. First tears have been shed and the last rows are being written. My writer, poet, friend and sportsman, I love you and I wanted to call you at my hardest moment to take a walk. Out of all the people I know and would call, I have the reflex to call you first, to tell you everything, hug you the tightest and feel your arms squeezing me as a reassuring respond, to cry the tears coming directly from the soul. But, unfortunately, I will not call you, nor tell you how many tears have I cried. I might invite someone else or cry alone, and then I know who I would call, and you would know, you would be in the very few to know, but you won’t be the one who’s hugging me.

I love you, don’t ever forget that and even if I didn’t tell you, you must know that. I fall asleep every night with the little thing you gave me even though I know people can misunderstand that, but I really can’t be bothered with it. We agreed that the little things make life and relationships and you probably will see through.

“feels like a long way down,
Oh honey don’t leave, don’t leave, plese don’t leave me now”

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